| SantaBanta Universal Humour for November 24, 2016 Posted: 23 Nov 2016 10:30 AM PST | | | Paying Shaguns with a Credit or Debit Card... Mera Desh Badal Raha Hai!!! | | | | | |  | | | | A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.
He walks into the forestry company office and fills out an application as an 'Experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride into the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.
The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "Dat dere's a Sitka Spruce eh? And she got 383 board feet a' lumber in 'er."
The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"Lord tunderin'! Dat's yer Douglas Fir and she got 690 board feet", says the Newfie.
Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.
"And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at mos'."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little pissed off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he.
As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How would he know which is the front of a tree?"
When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"Dat's da front a' dat tree fer sure," the Newfie states, cocksure.
The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"
The Newfie looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it, eh?"
He got the job and is now the foreman. | | | | | | भाई नोटबंदी का तो पता नहीं पर पिछले 2 हफ्ते में जोक्स में मोदी जी ने ज़रूर केजरीवाल और राहुल बाबा को पीछे छोड़ दिया। | | | | | | | अभी तक टीवी पर एक भी आदमी को यह कहते हुए नहीं देखा कि नोटबंदी से दारू खरदीने में समस्या हो रही है।
इसे कहते हैं संयम।
अखिल भारतीय बेवड़ा समाज। | | | | | | | यूँ ना खींच मुझे अपनी तरफ बेबस कर के,
ऐसा ना हो कि खुद से भी बिछड़ जाऊं और तू भी ना मिले।
भावार्थ यहाँ कवि को ATM की लाइन से दूर पड़ा एक 100 का नोट दिखाई देता है, कवि सोच रहा है,
नकली हुआ तो नोट भी गया, लाइन भी। | | | | | Dominos Pizza Mein Phone Aata Hai.
Customer: One Small Pizza Extra Toppings Ke Saath Bhej Do.
Dominos Guy: Ji Sir, Please Address Bata Dijiye.
Customer: Pitampura State Bank Ki Line Mein 22nd Number, Green Shirt! | | | | Waiter: Do you need anything else?
Pappu: Yes, a cup of black coffee.
Waiter: And how would you like your coffee?
Pappu: Mmmm... black and in a cup! | | | | I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or WhatsApp to see if I was lying! | | | | भाई नोटबंदी का तो पता नहीं पर पिछले 2 हफ्ते में जोक्स में मोदी जी ने ज़रूर केजरीवाल और राहुल बाबा को पीछे छोड़ दिया। | | | | अभी तक टीवी पर एक भी आदमी को यह कहते हुए नहीं देखा कि नोटबंदी से दारू खरदीने में समस्या हो रही है।
इसे कहते हैं संयम।
अखिल भारतीय बेवड़ा समाज। | | | | यूँ ना खींच मुझे अपनी तरफ बेबस कर के,
ऐसा ना हो कि खुद से भी बिछड़ जाऊं और तू भी ना मिले।
भावार्थ यहाँ कवि को ATM की लाइन से दूर पड़ा एक 100 का नोट दिखाई देता है, कवि सोच रहा है,
नकली हुआ तो नोट भी गया, लाइन भी। | | | | Having a soulmate is not always about love. You can find your soulmate in a friendship too. | | | | Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction. | | | |
