| SantaBanta Universal Humour for November 20, 2013 Posted: 19 Nov 2013 10:30 AM PST The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?" | | | |  | | | | A new farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a poultry operation.
Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn't say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer returns in another two weeks for another two hundred chicks.
When he returns for the fourth time, the owner's curiosity is too much for him, so he asks the new farmer why he keeps coming back for so many chicks. The farmer says, "Well, I guess I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. I think I'm either planting them too deep or too close together."
Bemused by his lack of success, the farmer sends off a report of what he has done to the local extension office, asking for advice. Three weeks later, the reply comes back, saying simply, "Please send soil sample." | | एक महिला रोते हुए एक चर्च में पहुंची तो चर्च में उपस्थित फादर ने उसे पूछा, "अरे तुम किसलिए रो रही हो?"
वह कहने लगी,"फादर मैं आपको एक दर्दनाक खबर सुनाने आयी हूँ, पिछली रात मेरे पति कि मृत्यु हो गयी।"
फादर ने कहा,"ओ हो ये तो सच में बहुत बुरा हुआ, अच्छा ये बताओ क्या उसकी कोई आखिरी इच्छा थी?
महिला: हाँ फादर।
फादर: तो बताओ उसकी आखिरी इच्छा क्या थी?
महिला कहने लगी, "उसने मरते हुए मुझसे कहा कि अब तो इस इस बंदूक को प्लीज नीचे रख दो।" | | | | | | जीतो: अजी सुनते हो, घर में नमक नहीं है, दाल में क्या डालूं?
संता: तेरे में दिमाग तो है ही नहीं, नया कोलगेट एक्टिव डाल दे, उसमें नमक ही नमक है पगली। | | | | | | | जख्म देने की आदत नहीं हमको;
हम तो आज भी वो अहसास रखते हैं;
बदले-बदले तो आप हैं जनाब;
हमारे अलावा सबको याद रखते हैं। | | | | | | | आजकल बाजारों में बिकते हैं रिश्ते;
जब तक जरुरत हो तभी तक टिकते हैं रिश्ते;
अब तो लाभ-हानि के पलड़ो में तुलते हैं रिश्ते;
लेकिन न जाने क्यों, अब भी लोग बुनते हैं रिश्ते। | | | | | Santa: What's the matter, today you're getting a lot of "I love you" messages.
Banta: Bhaji, I am not that lucky. Today I brought my wife's mobile! | | | | Please answer in 'Yes' or "No' only:
.
..
...
....
Has your wife stopped abusing and beating you? | | | | I am an 8 letter word.
I am kept secret from everyone.
My 2nd, 3rd and 4th letters spell an animals
My 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th letter make a weapon.
My 1st, 2nd and 8th letters are used for writing an exam.
My 3rd and 4th letters are the same.
Guess what am I? | | | | जीतो: अजी सुनते हो, घर में नमक नहीं है, दाल में क्या डालूं?
संता: तेरे में दिमाग तो है ही नहीं, नया कोलगेट एक्टिव डाल दे, उसमें नमक ही नमक है पगली। | | | | अध्यापिका: टेस्ट याद है?
पप्पू: जी नहीं, जैसे ही मैं पढ़ने बैठा तो लाइट चली गई, बाद में मैं इस डर से पढ़ने नहीं बैठा कि मेरी वजह से फिर लाइट न चली जाए। | | | | डॉक्टर: खांसी का क्या हाल है?
मरीज़: खांसी तो बंद हो गई डॉक्टर साहब, पर अब साँसे रुक-रूककर आती हैं।
डॉक्टर: फ़िक्र न करो रब ने चाहा तो वो भी बंद हो जायेंगी। | | | | In February 1945, Elizabeth II joined the Women's Auxiliary Territorial Service, as an honorary Second Subaltern with the service number of 230873. She trained as a driver and mechanic, drove a military truck, and was promoted to honorary Junior Commander five months later. She is the last surviving head of state who served in uniform during the Second World War. | | | | Ikea is the world's largest and richest "non-profit charity". | | | | The popular electronics store Best Buy was originally called "Sound of Music". | | | | I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age, and I've lived my life that way. | | | | The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but Imagination! | | | | One who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints. | | | |
0 comments:
Post a Comment