| SantaBanta Universal Humour for December 10, 2013 Posted: 09 Dec 2013 10:30 AM PST | | | Numerous intellects would have propounded various concept to decode the mysteries of the world, but there are still a few remaining needing an extensive research and women is one of them. | | | | It's Christmas time and Bill and Joe decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Joe brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Bill to look at it.
"Well, Bill, What do you think?"
"Sorry, Joe, this tree won't do. Let's try another one."
They come upon another nice tree, Joe brushes it off, and they both look at it.
"How about this one, Bill?"
"Not quite, Joe. Let's keep looking".
This goes on until nightfall. Both Bill and Joe are cold, tired, and hungry.
"Well, Bill, what do we do now?"
"Joe, I think we should take home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not..." | | | |  | | | | A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming.
He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer!
He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!"
Still nothing..... and the train was just seconds away!
He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet."
Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!
He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself." | | | | | | | | But Fred died recently. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend, Jody, and says, "Well, I'm sure Fred would be pleased."
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it?" said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"Really?" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Jody says, "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My goodness, how big is it ?!"
"Two and a half carats." | | | | | | Santa: I am unable to sleep.
Doctor: Try a cosy bed, a dim light and light music.
Santa: How is this all possible in office? | | | | | | | Delhi election results have made History... a male has beaten a female with a broom! | | | | | | | What will you call a Santa Claus who doesn't fulfill your wishes?
Ghanta Claus
Merry Christmas! | | | | | Santa: I am unable to sleep.
Doctor: Try a cosy bed, a dim light and light music.
Santa: How is this all possible in office? | | | | Bejan Daruwalla to Vijay Mallaya:
This year, you'll focus more on lenders than on calendars! | | | | Apple has clarified that iShant is not an Apple product! | | | | एक पठान साइकिल चलाते और गुनगुनाते हुए कहीं जा रहा था।
रास्ते में एक औरत से टकरा गया।
औरत चिल्ला कर बोली,"ब्रेक नही मार सकता था क्या?"
पठान हैरत से बोला, "पूरा साइकिल मार दिया, अभी ब्रेक मार के क्या फ़ायदा।" | | | | संता घर पहुंचा तो नौकर ने बताया: "थोड़ी देर पहले आपके जिगरी दोस्त का फोन आया था।"
संता: "तुमने कैसे जाना वो मेरा जिगरी दोस्त है?"
नौकर: "उन्होंने कहा था कि वो 'कमीना' आ जाए तो उसे कहना मुझे फोन करे।" | | | | प्यार वो हम को बेपनाह कर गये;
फिर ज़िंदगी में हम को तनहा कर गये;
चाहत थी उनके इश्क़ में फ़नाह होने की;
पर वो लौट कर आने को भी मना कर गये। | | | | Pencil sale rates increased by 700% the year after Sudoku became popular. | | | | In Poland, spiders are common Christmas tree decorations because (according to legend) a spider wove a blanket for Baby Jesus! | | | | Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind;
Teach us to be patient and always to be kind. | | | | Don't wait. The time will never be just right. | | | | Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. | | | |
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