SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes


SantaBanta Universal Humour for December 21, 2013

Posted: 20 Dec 2013 10:30 AM PST

Pretty Nurse!

Pretty Nurse!

What deep thinkers men are...

I mowed the lawn today, and after I'd finished I sat down with a cold beer. It was a beautiful day and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

The wife walked by and asked me what I was doing? and I said. "Nothing".

The reason I said that, instead of saying 'just thinking darling' was because then she would have asked "About what?"

At that point I would have had to explain to her that men are deep thinkers, which would have led to more questions.

Then I thought about the age-old question of whether giving birth is more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Well, after another beer, and some more thinking, I think I may have come up with the answer.

Getting kicked in the nuts is much more painful than having a baby; and my reasoning is:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child, but you will never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer......

Bechaare Ladke

Ladki par hath uthaye to zalim;
Ladki se pit jaye to namard.

Ladki ko kisi ke sath dekh kar... lade to jealous;
Chup rahe to begairat.

Ghar se bahar rahe to awara;
Ghar me rahe to nakara.

Bachcho ko dante to buzdil;
Na dante to laparwah.

Biwi ko naukri se roke to shak karne wala;
Na roke to biwi ki kamai khane wala.

Aakhir bechara ladka kare toh kya kare.... ??? Mard Ko Bhi Dard Hota Hai...

शतरंज के खिलाडी!

एक बार एक शतरंज का ग्रैंडमास्टर संता और बंता से बोला, चलो यार शतरंज खेलते हैं।

संता: नहीं, आप तो हमें आसानी से हरा दोगे।
ग्रैंडमास्टर: अछा चलो, तुम दोनों और मैं अकेला।
बंता: फिर भी हम हार जाएंगे।
ग्रैंडमास्टर: ठीक है, चलो मैं बाएं हाथ से खेलूंगा।

संता-बंता: हां फिर ठीक है।

ग्रैंडमास्टर संता-बंता को हरा कर चला जाता है।

संता: बड़ी शर्मनाक बात है यार, उसने हमें उल्टे हाथ से भी हरा दिया।

बंता: अबे, वो हमें बेवकूफ बना गया।

संता: कैसे?

बंता: वो लेफ्टी ही होगा।

Picture SMS

Wife: Tum toh mujhe shaadi ke pehle se jaante the, kya main badal gayi hoon?<br/>  Hubby: Shaadi ke pehle you were a real 'Chick'... but now you are always 'Chick Chick Chick'!

Wife: Tum toh mujhe shaadi ke pehle se jaante the, kya main badal gayi hoon?
Hubby: Shaadi ke pehle you were a real 'Chick'... but now you are always "Chick Chick Chick"!

Faith makes all things possible,<br/>  Hope makes all things work,<br/>  Love makes all things beautiful,<br/>  May you have all the three for this Christmas!<br/><br/>    Merry Christmas!

Faith makes all things possible,
Hope makes all things work,
Love makes all things beautiful,
May you have all the three for this Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Little keys open big locks;<br/>  Simple words reflect great thoughts;<br/>  Your smile can cure heart blocks;<br/>  So keep on smiling, it rocks.<br/><br/>    Happy New Year 2014!

Little keys open big locks;
Simple words reflect great thoughts;
Your smile can cure heart blocks;
So keep on smiling, it rocks.

Happy New Year 2014!

Clean SMS

Wife: Tum toh mujhe shaadi ke pehle se jaante the, kya main badal gayi hoon?
Hubby: Shaadi ke pehle you were a real 'Chick'... but now you are always "Chick Chick Chick"!

Girl 1: Didi, Arvind Kejriwal ka SMS aaya hai, samajh nahin aa raha YES karun ya NO!
Girl 2: Awww kar de!

"Log Kya Kahenge" has killed more dreams than anything else in the world!

Hindi SMS

बंता: जब मैं पैदा हुआ था तो मिलिट्री वालों ने 21 तोपें चलाई थी।
संता: कमाल है! सब का निशाना चूक गया?

एक लड़की ने पप्पू को आवाज़ लगाई।
ओ भाई जान, कृपया सुनिए तो ज़रा।
पप्पू बोला: ओए! पहले फैसला कर भाई या जान, कन्फ्यूज़ क्यों कर रही है।

डॉक्टर: क्या बात है?
पप्पू: मुझे कुत्ते ने काट लिया है।
डॉक्टर: क्या तुम्हें पता है कि मैं 7 बजे के बाद किसी रोगी को नहीं देखता?
पप्पू: जी, पता है, मगर ये बात कुत्ते को मालूम नहीं थी।

Quotes

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.

Forgiveness means letting go of the past.

Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.

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