| SantaBanta Universal Humour for December 18, 2013 Posted: 17 Dec 2013 10:30 AM PST | | | A leisure magnifies when you pay and get something worth loving, but there is no comparison of the happiness which you get when somebody else pays for your leisure. | | | | | |  | | | | If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a control freak.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's manipulation.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're self-centered.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. | | | | | | | | A guy was speeding down the road and got pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper said, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going ?"
The driver looked at the trooper and said, "Do you see the woman sitting in the passenger seat ?"
The trooper said. "Yes."
"Thats my wife," the driver said to the trooper, "Do you see the woman sitting in the back seat ?"
The trooper said, "Yes."
"Thats my mother in law. She lives with us. They just had a big spat and she said she was moving out. I'm trying to get them home before they make up !!!!"
The trooper wrote him a warning and then gave him an escort home with lights flashing. | | | | | | | | Just before Christmas I was shopping at a toy faire in Worcester.
I glanced to my left and caught sight of a queue at the doll counter; they were waiting for the shelves to be restocked with Mattel dolls. As I looked I realised that in the queue was a good friend of mine. Knowing Lennie well I was sure that he had no daughters nor did he have any nieces so I wondered why he should want to buy a doll at Christmas time.
"Hey, Lennie," I cried, "I hadn't realised you collected dolls."
"I don't," he replied laughing.
"Really," I queried, "then you must be buying a Christmas present then?"
"No, not at all, my friend," responded Lennie, his eyes twinkling merrily.
"If you don't mind my asking then Lennie," I said, "Why exactly are you standing in this particular queue?"
"Oh that," he giggled. "It's like this, my mate," he mused, "I've never been able to resist a Barbie queue." | | एक बालक जिद पर अड़ गया .... बोला की छिपकली खाऊंगा।
घरवालों ने बहुत समझाया पर नहीं माना।
हार कर उसके गुरु जी को बुलाया गया। वे जिद तुड़वाने में महारथी थे।
गुरु के आदेश पर एक छिपकली पकड़वाई गई. उसे प्लेट में परोस बालक के सामने रख गुरु बोले, ले खा... बालक मचल गया।
बोला, तली हुई खाऊंगा।
गुरु ने छिपकली तलवाई और दहाड़े, ले अब चुपचाप खा. बालक फिर गुलाटी मार गया और बोला, आधी खाऊंगा।
छिपकली के दो टुकड़े किये गये। बालक गुरु से बोला, "पहले आप खाओ"।
गुरु ने आंख नाक और भी ना जाने क्या क्या भींच किसी तरह आधी छिपकली निगली गुरु के छिपकली निगलते ही बालक दहाड़ मार कर रोने लगा और बोला," आप तो वो टुकड़ा खा गये जो मैंने खाना था।
गुरु ने धोती सम्भाली और वहां से भाग निकले कि अब जरा भी यहां रुका तो ये दुष्ट दूसरा टुकड़ा भी खिला कर मानेगा।
यह देख मुझे अरविन्द केजरीवाल की याद आ गयी।
करना-धरना कुछ नहीं,नौटंकी दुनिया भर की। | | | | | | Santa: Who gave you that black eye?
Pappu: Nobody - I had to fight for it! | | | | | | | Santa to a doctor, "Doctor Saheb, I hear that you pay commission to the person who brings patients for you?
Doctor: I do. Where's the patient?
Santa: I'm the patient also! | | | | | | | संता ने बंता से कहा: "सबसे बड़ा चैलेंज क्या है?"
बंता ने उत्तर दिया: उत्तर पत्रिका को खाली छोड़ दो और आखिर में लिख देना, पास करके दिखा। | | | | | Santa: Who gave you that black eye?
Pappu: Nobody - I had to fight for it! | | | | Santa to a doctor, "Doctor Saheb, I hear that you pay commission to the person who brings patients for you?
Doctor: I do. Where's the patient?
Santa: I'm the patient also! | | | | Updating FB
Playing Candy Crush
Following on Twitter
And reading all Whatsapp messages... all night - made it hard for me to get up and go to work in the morning.
So I quit my
.
..
...
job! | | | | संता ने बंता से कहा: "सबसे बड़ा चैलेंज क्या है?"
बंता ने उत्तर दिया: उत्तर पत्रिका को खाली छोड़ दो और आखिर में लिख देना, पास करके दिखा। | | | | पप्पू पापा से: पापा, मैं इतना बड़ा कब होउंगा कि मैं मम्मी से बिना पूछे बाहर जा सकूं?
पापा: बेटा अभी इतना बड़ा तो मैं भी नहीं हुआ। | | | | एक पठान दूसरे पठान से: यार सुना है 2012 तक दुनिया ख़त्म हो जाएगी।
दूसरा पठान: ऐसा नहीं होगा मैंने कल वाशिंग मशीन खरीदी है उस पे 2014 तक की गारंटी है। | | | | Thantophobia, the fear of losing someone you love. | | | | The little bump on the front side of your ear is called a tragus. | | | | Octopi have eyelids and know how to wink. | | | | It is the luminosity of lights that illuminates our presence... else we are just so so common! | | | | Free cheese is only found in a mousetrap | | | | Humanity needs a vision of an expanding and unending future. | | | |
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