| SantaBanta Universal Humour for March 4, 2014 Posted: 03 Mar 2014 10:30 AM PST "Where's the barber who worked on the next chair?" asked the old customer as he was getting a shave.
Hadn't you heard about Bill? said the barber. It was a very sad case.
He grew nervous and despondent over poor business, and one day when a customer said he didn't care for a massage he suddenly went out of his mind and slashed the customer's throat. He is in the asylum for the criminal insane now. Will you be having a massage, sir?
Sure, go ahead! said the customer. | | | |  | | | | One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!" I said. | | | | | | | | Ek din khuda ne mujhse kaha: "Mat kar intezar is janam mein uska, Milna mushkil hai.
Maine bhi keh diya: "Lene de maza intezar ka, agle janam mein to mumkin hai."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtayega."
Muskura ke maine kaha: "Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe tadpayega."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Bhool ja use, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata hu." Maine kaha: "Aa neeche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulvata hu.
Gusse mein khuda ne kaha: "Mat bhool apni aukaat tu to ek insaan hai." Haas kar Maine kaha: "Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi Bhagwan hai."
Phir khuda ne guuse mein uski mujhse shadi kara di. Sab bhoot utar gaya. | | | | | | संता ने बस में एक लड़की को छेड़ दिया।
लड़की: तुम्हारे घर में माँ बहन नहीं है क्या?
संता: क्या पता, मैं तो सुबह से घर से बाहर हू। | | | | | | | एक आदमी अपने दोस्त से: इतने उदास क्यों हो?
आदमी: पत्नी से झगड़ा हुआ था, उसने कहा कि वो मुझ से 30 दिन बात नहीं करेगी।
दोस्त: तो फिर इतने उदास क्यों हो? तुम्हे तो खुश होना चाहिए।
आदमी: आज आखिरी दिन है ना इसीलिए! | | | | | | | लंबा तन और बदन है गोल,
मीठे रहते मेरे बोल,
तन पे मेरे होते छेद,
भाषा का मैं करूँ ना भेद।
अब बताओ जवाब क्या है? | | | | | Gujju Premi: Darling, Mere Kaan Me Kuchh Halka Sa, Kuchh Narm Sa, Kuchh Mitha Sa aur Kuchh Namkin Sa Kaho.
Premika: Dhokla! | | | | True love is like a pillow.
You can hug when you are in trouble;
You can cry when you are in pain;
And you can embrace when you are happy.
So when you need true love spend 200 bucks and buy a pillow! | | | | Jeeto: Nai Car Aur Nai Pati Mein Koi Antar Nahi Hai. Dono Hi Sirf 2-3 Saal Theek Thaak Chalte Hein!
Santa: Puraani Car Aur Puraani Patni Mein Bhi Koi Antar Nahi Hai. Dono Hi Faltu Aawaaz Buhut Karte Hein! | | | | संता ने बस में एक लड़की को छेड़ दिया।
लड़की: तुम्हारे घर में माँ बहन नहीं है क्या?
संता: क्या पता, मैं तो सुबह से घर से बाहर हू। | | | | एक आदमी अपने दोस्त से: इतने उदास क्यों हो?
आदमी: पत्नी से झगड़ा हुआ था, उसने कहा कि वो मुझ से 30 दिन बात नहीं करेगी।
दोस्त: तो फिर इतने उदास क्यों हो? तुम्हे तो खुश होना चाहिए।
आदमी: आज आखिरी दिन है ना इसीलिए! | | | | मौत और मोहब्बत तो बस नाम से बदनाम है,
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असली दर्द तो 'Slow Internet' देता है! | | | | Divorce is still illegal in the Vatican City and the Philippines. You're not allowed to get a divorce! | | | | Kleine-Levin Syndrome is a disorder that causes people to sleep for weeks at a time. They wake up only to eat. | | | | The Three Musketeers author, Alexandre Dumas may not have had the option of many typewriters, but that didn't mean he couldn't keep his writing genres separate. He followed a routine of colour-blocking his creative writing, using pink paper for non-fiction, blue for fiction and yellow for poetry. | | | | Wisdom is found only in truth. | | | | Without vision, we perish. | | | | Longing, felt fully, carries us to belonging. | | | |
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