SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes


SantaBanta Universal Humour for February 4, 2017

Posted: 03 Feb 2017 10:30 AM PST

Stages of Married Life

Stages of Married Life

Two Timing Wife

Dave was feeling depressed, and his best friend Keith decided to take Dave to the Pub, to try and cheer him up.

He asked Dave what was it that was troubling him, but Dave didn't want to talk about it. So they sat there getting slowly pissed.

Keith matched Dave drink for drink, trying to get him to talk about what was troubling him.

Gentle prodding was ignored until finally, after downing the sixth, Dave blurted out, "OK, it's your wife."

"My wife?" his Keith demanded. "What about my wife?"

"I think she's cheating on us."

सर्दी की इन्तहा!

3 अलग-अलग शहरों से गोवा घूमने आए बच्चे अपने-अपने शहर में पड़ने वाली सर्दी के बारे में बातें कर रहे थे।

पहला बच्चा: हमारे यहाँ इतनी सर्दी पड़ती है कि जब हम सुबह पानी के लिए नल खोलते हैं तो बरफ निकलती है।

दूसरा बच्चा: बस इतनी सी... हमारे यहाँ तो इतनी सर्दी पड़ती है कि जब हम बात करते हैं तो वो जम जाती है और फिर हम उसे आग पर पिघला कर सुनते हैं।

अंत में जब तीसरे बच्चे की बारी आयी तो उसने सोचा कि इन दोनों ने तो पहले ही इतनी लंबी-लंबी हाँक दी, अब मैं क्या करूँ। तो उसने अपने खुराफाती दिमाग को दौड़ाया और बोला, "अरे ये तो कुछ भी नहीं ... हमारे घर में तो एक दिन मेहमान आए, तो उनके जाने के बाद हमने सोफे पर एक बर्फ का गोला पड़ा हुआ देखा, जब उसे पिघलाया तो आवाज़ आई, पू ... ऊ...ऊ.. ऊ ....!

Picture SMS

Doctor: You have acute appendicitis.<br/>  Santa: Oh thank you... and you have a cute face!

Doctor: You have acute appendicitis.
Santa: Oh thank you... and you have a cute face!

BSNL customer care:<br/>  Customer: The Internet is not working for the last 2 days.<br/>  Executive: How is it possible, Sir? Hamare Yaha to 5 Din Se Nahi Chal Raha!

BSNL customer care:
Customer: The Internet is not working for the last 2 days.
Executive: How is it possible, Sir? Hamare Yaha to 5 Din Se Nahi Chal Raha!

The biggest winner is not Donald Trump but Melania Trump, who can finally call herself the first lady instead of the third wife!

The biggest winner is not Donald Trump but Melania Trump, who can finally call herself the first lady instead of the third wife!

Clean SMS

Doctor: You have acute appendicitis.
Santa: Oh thank you... and you have a cute face!

BSNL customer care:
Customer: The Internet is not working for the last 2 days.
Executive: How is it possible, Sir? Hamare Yaha to 5 Din Se Nahi Chal Raha!

The biggest winner is not Donald Trump but Melania Trump, who can finally call herself the first lady instead of the third wife!

Hindi SMS

चुनाव सिर्फ 2 ही चरणों में होता है!
1. चुनाव के पहले नेता आपके चरणों में।
2. चुनाव के बाद आप नेता के चरणों में।

डॉक्टर पेशंट के पति से: आज कैसी तबियत है आपकी पत्नी की?
पति: ठीक है डॉक्टर; आज सुबह तो थोडा लड़ी भी है।

डॉक्टर: क्या खाया था?
लडकी: Burger, French Fries, Corn Pizza & Coke.
डॉक्टर: जरा इतराओ कम... ये हॉस्पिटल है, Facebook या Watsapp नहीं! जाँच में सब सामने आ जाएगा, अब सही बताओ?
लडकी: चाय के साथ बासी रोटी तेल चुपड़ के!

Quotes

It is forbidden to decry other sects; the true believer gives honour to whatever in them is worthy of honour.

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