| SantaBanta Universal Humour for February 15, 2017 Posted: 14 Feb 2017 10:30 AM PST | |  | | | | | | | | | | After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury's.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury's...
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the Staff passed out. | | | | | | Badi Mushkil Se Toh Hum Paneerselvam Bolna Seekhe The, Ab Ye Edappadi K.Palanisamy Aa Gaya! | | | | | | | Interviewer: Tell me a strength.
Candidate: I'm a decision maker.
Interviewer: Excellent. How about a weakness?
Candidate: I'm a bad decision maker! | | | | | | | I really don't understand why some snacks are "fun-sized", there's really nothing "fun" about having a smaller portion of food! | | | | | Badi Mushkil Se Toh Hum Paneerselvam Bolna Seekhe The, Ab Ye Edappadi K.Palanisamy Aa Gaya! | | | | Interviewer: Tell me a strength.
Candidate: I'm a decision maker.
Interviewer: Excellent. How about a weakness?
Candidate: I'm a bad decision maker! | | | | I really don't understand why some snacks are "fun-sized", there's really nothing "fun" about having a smaller portion of food! | | | | गर्लफ्रेंड से ब्रेकअप होने के बाद उसके बॉयफ्रेंड ने उससे दिल छू जाने वाली बात कही...
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बहन, गिफ्ट तो वापिस करती जा। तेरी भाभी को क्या दूँगा? | | | | आजकल फेसबुक पर फोटो लाइक और कमेंट का प्रचलन इतना बढ़ गया है कि बीवी ने अपने X-Ray को मुझे दिखाया तो मेरे मुँह से निकल गया, "Nice Pic"...
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फिर क्या... एक X-Ray फिर खुद का करवाना पड़ा। | | | | कई सालों की रिसर्च के बाद, तमाम दुनिया के डॉक्टर इस नतीजे पर पहुँचे हैं कि जुकाम के लिए सबसे बेहतरीन चीज़...
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रूमाल है। | | | | Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. | | | |
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