SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for October 31, 2016 Posted: 30 Oct 2016 11:30 AM PDT Engineering Flowchart More Visuals .. A Successful Marriage Recently in Bangalore a couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their 25 years of married life. Media gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their 'Happy Going Marriage' A TV reporter was very curious to know the secret and asked the husband, "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband Said, "We are a happy couple since marriage, thanks to our honeymoon trip to Shimla." TV Reporter aske, "Sir, tell us about it so that all couples can also be happy like you." Finally husband agreed to reveal the 'secret of the happy marriage'. "For our honeymoon," recalling his old honeymoon days husband said, "We had been to Shimla. The day after we both went for a horse ride. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way that horse jumped up suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said: 'This is your first time'. "She again got on the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again was calm and said: 'This is your second time...' and continued. "When the horse dropped her a third time, she just took out a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead !! I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?' She gave a silent look and said: 'This is your first time!!!' "That's it. We are happy ever after..." More Jokes .. पति - पत्नी और कुत्ता! एक नया नया शादीशुदा जोड़ा एक बाग में टहल रहा था। अचानक एक बड़ा सा कुत्ता उनकी तरफ झपटा, दोनों को ही लगा कि ये उन्हें काट लेगा। बचने का कोई रास्ता न देख पति ने तुरंत अपनी पत्नी को गोद में ऊपर तक उठा लिया ताकि कुत्ता काटे तो उसे काटे न कि उसकी पत्नी को। कुत्ता बिलकुल नज़दीक आकर रुका, कुछ देर तो भौंका और फिर पीछे की तरफ भाग गया। पति ने चैन की सांस ली और इस उम्मीद में पत्नी को गोद से उतारा कि पत्नी उसे गले लगाएगी और प्यारा सा छोटा सा किस करेगी। तभी उसकी तमाम उम्मीदों पर पानी फेरती उसकी बीवी चिल्लाई, "मैंने आज तक लोगों को कुत्ते को भगाने के लिए पत्थर या डंडा फेंकते तो देखा था पर ऐसा आदमी पहली बार देख रही हूँ जो कुत्ते को भगाने के लिए अपनी बीवी को फ़ेंकने को तैयार था।" शिक्षा: बीवियों से कभी तारीफ की उम्मीद नहीं करनी चाहिए। More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS बीवी: आप शादी के बाद से बदल गए हो। पति: मैंने तुझे ही बता दिया था कि मुझे शादीशुदा औरतों में बिल्कुल भी इंट्रस्ट नहीं है। A bed is like a charger for people! एक निवेदन: अब दिवाली बीत गयी है तो पटाके ना छोड़ें, अपने घर वालों से भी मिलवाएं और शादी की बात करें। More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS A bed is like a charger for people! 2 Din Mein Itni Good Wishes Mili Hain WhatsApp Pe Ki... . . . . . . . . . . . Agar 1% Bhi Sach Ho Jaaye Toh By God Ki Kasam, Ambani Bhi Pichhe Reh Jayega! Dear friends, I would like to take this opportunity to categorically state that the reports appearing in large parts of the media- both print and electronic - to the effect that my name has been shortlisted by the selection board to succeed Cyrus Misty as the chairman of Tata Sons are unfounded, motivated and spread by my business rivals in order to cause panic, both locally and globally. It's a fact, though, that Ratan Tata did call me a couple of times in recent times; but we never discussed the issue of succession. All that we talked about was whether my Tata Sky connection was working properly now. Hindi SMS बीवी: आप शादी के बाद से बदल गए हो। पति: मैंने तुझे ही बता दिया था कि मुझे शादीशुदा औरतों में बिल्कुल भी इंट्रस्ट नहीं है। एक निवेदन: अब दिवाली बीत गयी है तो पटाके ना छोड़ें, अपने घर वालों से भी मिलवाएं और शादी की बात करें। हमारे कमीनेपन की हद मत पूछ गालिब, हम तो बचपन में दोसत को साईकल के आगे बिठाकर,जान बूझकर उसकी ऊंगलियां ब्रेक में भींच दिया करते थे। Quotes Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. The flame of the diya, or lamp, reminds us that light will ultimately triumph over darkness.

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for October 29, 2016 Posted: 28 Oct 2016 11:30 AM PDT Sitting on a Bottle More Visuals .. Dining Out! A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door." Falling-Down Drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar, "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and they stumble up the steps to his house the drunk almost having to be carried. The drunk's wife greets them at the door, "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?" More Jokes .. स्माइल प्लीज! तीन मरे हुए राजनीतिज्ञों के शव शमशान में उठ खड़े हुए सभी के मुहं में बड़ी मुस्कान थी, पुलिस ने डाक्टर को बुलाया ये देखने के लिए की क्या हो गया है, एक जासूस पुलिस वाले को भी बुलाया गया की देखें क्या हुआ है! पहले शव को देखकर डाक्टर ने कहा, ये बी.जे.पी का नेता है जो हर्ट अटैक से मरा जब ये अपनी नौकरानी के साथ प्यार कर रहा था इसीलिए बड़ी हंसी हंस रहा है डाक्टर ने कहा! पुलिस ने दूसरा शव बाहर निकाला तो डाक्टर ने कहा ये सतासीन पार्टी का नेता है, इसकी उम्र 70 साल है सरकारी कोष में घोटाले करके सारा पैसा शराब में उड़ाया लीवर ख़राब होने से मरा फिर भी मुस्करा रहा है ये कुछ खास नहीं है! पुलिस ने सोचा और तीसरे शव को देखा, डाक्टर ने कहा ये सबसे अनोखा है, बिहार का सांसद, उम्र 60 साल ये आसमानी बिजली के गिरने से मर गया! पुलिस वाले ने पूछा पर ये हंस क्यों रहा है? तो डाक्टर ने कहा, ये अभी भी यही सोच रहा है की इसकी फोटो खिंची जा रही है! More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS May millions of lamps illuminate your life with endless joy, peace, health & wealth forever. Wishing you and your family a very Happy Diwali! A festival full of sweet childhood memories, sky full of fireworks, mouth full of sweets, a house full of lamps and heart full of joy. Wish you a very Happy & Prosperous Diwali! May the joy, cheer, mirth and merriment of this divine festival surround you forever. May the happiness, that this season brings brighten your life and may the year brings you luck and fulfills all your dearest dreams. Warm Diwali Greetings! More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS May millions of lamps illuminate your life with endless joy, peace, health & wealth forever. Wishing you and your family a very Happy Diwali! A festival full of sweet childhood memories, sky full of fireworks, mouth full of sweets, a house full of lamps and heart full of joy. Wish you a very Happy & Prosperous Diwali! May the joy, cheer, mirth and merriment of this divine festival surround you forever. May the happiness, that this season brings brighten your life and may the year brings you luck and fulfills all your dearest dreams. Warm Diwali Greetings! Hindi SMS दीप जलें तो रौशन आपका जहान हो, पूरा आपका हर एक अरमान हो, माँ लक्ष्मी जी की कृपा बनी रहे आप पर हर दम, ऐसा शुभ दीपावली का आपका त्यौहार हो। दीपावली की हार्दिक बधाई! लक्ष्मी जी का आपके सिर हाथ हो, सरस्वती जी का साथ हो, गणेश जी का हृदय में निवास हो, आपके जीवन में खुशियों का प्रकाश ही प्रकाश हो। दिवाली की शुभ कामनायें! भगवान करे हर घर में हो उजाला, आये ना कभी कोई रात काली; हर घर में हों खुशियाँ, हर घर में हो रौशन दिवाली। सभी को दिवाली की शुभ कामनायें! Quotes Every No brings you closer to a Yes. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for October 28, 2016 Posted: 27 Oct 2016 11:30 AM PDT Selfie Per Hour More Visuals .. Ladies Golf After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked, "How did your game go? The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round, adding the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was. The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to 'Riders'?" The bartender simply smiled and said, "A 'Rider" is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball. More Jokes .. वक़्त अभी भी बदला नहीं! एक आदमी ने हॉस्टल में रहने वाले पप्पू के कमरे का दरवाज़ा खटखटाया। थोड़ी देर बाद पप्पू ने दरवाजा खोला। आदमी: क्या मैं अंदर आ सकता हूं? मैं सन 82 में इसी कॉलेज में पढ़ता था और इसी कमरे में रहता था। पप्पू: हां, हां जरूर। आदमी अपने कॉलेज टाइम को याद करते हुए कहने लगा, "आह, वही पुराना कमरा, वही पुराना फर्नीचर और वही पुरानी अलमारी।" पप्पू उसे अलमारी की तरफ बढ़ने से रोकने ही वाला था कि उस आदमी ने अलमारी का दरवाजा खोल दिया। अलमारी के अंदर पप्पू की गर्लफ्रेंड छिपी हुई थी। पप्पू हड़बड़ा कर बोला, "सर ये मेरी कजिन (Cousin) है। इस पर ठण्डी सांस भरते हुए वह आदमी बोला, "आह, वही पुराना बहाना।" More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS दारु का ठेका और पतंजलि की दुकान भारत के किसी भी कोने में मिल सकती हैं। पति: मैच वाला चैनल लगाओ। पत्नी: नहीं लगाउंगी। पति: देख लूंगा। पत्नी: क्या देख लोगे? पति: यही चैनल जो तुम देख रही हो। That moment when you accidently pour too much alcohol into your drink and you have to rough it out because you are not a quitter! More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS That moment when you accidently pour too much alcohol into your drink and you have to rough it out because you are not a quitter! There's nothing more stupid than not being yourself because you're afraid of looking stupid! Closing your eyes after turning off your alarm clock is a very dangerous game. I always lose! Hindi SMS दारु का ठेका और पतंजलि की दुकान भारत के किसी भी कोने में मिल सकती हैं। पति: मैच वाला चैनल लगाओ। पत्नी: नहीं लगाउंगी। पति: देख लूंगा। पत्नी: क्या देख लोगे? पति: यही चैनल जो तुम देख रही हो। अच्छा-खासा ध्यान पढाई पर लगाने की सोच रहे थे बच्चे, अंबानी ने जियो सिम की शुरुआत करके फिर सत्यानाश कर दिया। Quotes Don't waste your time with explanations, people only hear what they want to hear. Happiness is a direction, not a place.

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