| SantaBanta Universal Humour for August 16, 2014 Posted: 15 Aug 2014 11:30 AM PDT | |  | | | | One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean Cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."
"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?" She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing, "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
"You've built a Golf Course too?" | | | | | | | | दस वर्षीय पप्पू और उसके पड़ोस में रहने वाली नौ-वर्षीय चिंकी को साथ-साथ खेलते हुए यह एहसास हो जाता है कि वे एक-दूसरे से बेहद प्यार करते हैं, और उन्हें शादी कर लेनी चाहिए।
पप्पू चिंकी के पिता के पास पहुंच गया, और हिम्मत जुटाकर बोला, "अंकल, मैं और आपकी बेटी चिंकी एक-दूसरे से प्यार करते हैं, और मैं आपसे शादी के लिए उसका हाथ मांगने आया हूं।"
चिंकी के पिता को नन्हे शरारती पप्पू की हरकत बेहद प्यारी लगी, और वह डांटने के बजाए मुस्कुराते हुए उससे से पूछते हैं, "यार, तुम अभी सिर्फ 10 साल के हो, और तुम्हारे पास घर भी नहीं है... तुम और चिंकी रहोगे कहां?"
पप्पू तपाक से बोला, "चिंकी के कमरे में, क्योंकि वह मेरे कमरे से बड़ा है, और वहां हम दोनों के लिए ज़्यादा जगह है।"
चिंकी के पिता को अब भी पप्पू की इस मासूमियत पर प्यार आता है, और वह फिर पूछते हैं, "ठीक है, लेकिन तुम लोग गुज़ारा कैसे चलाओगे, आखिर इस उम्र में तुम्हें नौकरी तो मिल नहीं सकती?"
पप्पू फिर बहुत शांत स्वर में जवाब देता है, "हमारा जेबखर्च है न उसे 50 रुपये प्रति सप्ताह मिलता है, और मुझे 100 रुपये प्रति सप्ताह, इस हिसाब से हम दोनों के लगभग 600 रुपये हर महीने मिल जाता है, जो हमारी ज़रूरतों के लिए काफी रहेगा।"
चिंकी के पिता इस बात से भौंचक्के रह जाते हैं, कि पप्पू ने इस विषय पर इतनी गंभीरता से, और इतनी आगे तक सोच रखा है सो, वह सोचने लगते हैं कि ऐसा क्या कहें कि पप्पू को जवाब न सूझे, और उसे इस उम्र में चिंकी से शादी न करने के लिए समझाया जा सके कुछ देर बाद वह फिर मुस्कुराते हुए पप्पू से सवाल करते हैं, "यह बहुत अच्छी बात है बेटे कि तुमने इतनी अच्छी तरह सब प्लान किया हुआ है, लेकिन यह बताओ, कि अगर तुम दोनों के बच्चे हो गए, तो क्या यह जेबखर्च कम नहीं पड़ेगा?"
पप्पू ने इस बार भी तपाक से जवाब दिया, "अंकल, हम बेवकूफ नहीं हैं... जब आज तक नहीं होने दिए, तो आगे भी रोक लेंगे।"
चिंकी के पापा आज तक कोमा में हैं और घरवालों को इसकी वजह तक नही पता। | | | | | | माखन चुराकर जिसने खाया;
बंसी बजाकर जिसने नचाया;
ख़ुशी मनाओ उसके जन्म की;
जिसने दुनिया को प्रेम सिखाया।
कृष्ण जन्माष्टमी की शुभ कामनायें! | | | | | | | वो मोर मुकुट, वो है नंद लाला;
वो मुरली मनोहर, बृज का ग्वाला;
वो माखन चोर, वो बंसी वाला;
खुशियां मनायें उसके जन्म की;
जो है इस जग का रखवाला।
कृष्ण जन्माष्टमी की शुभ कामनायें! | | | | | | | देखो फिर जन्माष्टमी आई है;
माखन की हांडी ने फिर मिठास बढ़ाई है;
कान्हा की लीला है सबसे प्यारी;
दे आपको वो दुनिया की खुशियां सारी।
कृष्ण जन्माष्टमी की शुभ कामनायें! | | | | | May Lord Krishna, also known as:
Ajaya - The Conqueror of Life and Death
Bihari - The Travelling Lord
Hari - The Lord Of Nature
Jagannatha - Master Of The Universe
Madana - The Lord Of Love
Narayana - The Refuge Of Everyone
Purshottama - The Supreme Soul
Sanatana - The Eternal Lord
Shyam - Dark-Complexioned Lord
Vishwatma - Soul Of The Universe
Yogi - The Supreme Master
bless you at all times!
Happy Krishna Janmashtami! | | | | Krssnna Govinda Hey Rama Naaraayanna
Shrii-Pate Vaasudeva-Ajita Shrii-Nidhe |
Acyuta-Ananta He Maadhava-Adhokssaja
Dvaarakaa-Naayaka Draupadii-Rakssaka ||
Meaning:
1.1: I Salute You O Krishna the Incarnation of Govinda (Who can be known through Vedas), I Salute You O Rama the Incarnation of Narayana (Who is without any blemish)
1.2: I Salute You O Sripati (the Consort of Sri), I Salute You O Vasudeva (Son of Vasudeva) the Unconquerable One, I Salute You O Srinidhi (the Storehouse of Sri)
1.3: I Salute You O Acyuta (Who is Infallible) the Endless One, I Salute You O Madhava (Consort of Mahalakshmi) the Incarnation of Adhokshaja (Who can be known only through Agamas)
1.4: I Salute You O Lord of Dwaraka and I Salute You Who Saved Draupadi.
Happy Krishna Janmashtami! | | | | Vasudeva Sutam Devam, Kansa Chaanuuramardanam |
Devakii Paramaanandam Krishhnam Vande Jagad Gurum ||
Meaning:
Krishna is the Supreme Lord, Son of Devaki (Sister of Kansa) and Vasudeva. He is the slayer of Kansa and Chanur. I bow to such great Lord and may God bless me with His grace always.
Happy Krishna Janmashtami! | | | | माखन चुराकर जिसने खाया;
बंसी बजाकर जिसने नचाया;
ख़ुशी मनाओ उसके जन्म की;
जिसने दुनिया को प्रेम सिखाया।
कृष्ण जन्माष्टमी की शुभ कामनायें! | | | | वो मोर मुकुट, वो है नंद लाला;
वो मुरली मनोहर, बृज का ग्वाला;
वो माखन चोर, वो बंसी वाला;
खुशियां मनायें उसके जन्म की;
जो है इस जग का रखवाला।
कृष्ण जन्माष्टमी की शुभ कामनायें! | | | | देखो फिर जन्माष्टमी आई है;
माखन की हांडी ने फिर मिठास बढ़ाई है;
कान्हा की लीला है सबसे प्यारी;
दे आपको वो दुनिया की खुशियां सारी।
कृष्ण जन्माष्टमी की शुभ कामनायें! | | | | If life is a battleground, then words are my fighter jets and thoughts, my nuclear weapons. | | | | Today, you can choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. Give yourself permission to be happy every day. | | | | What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though. | | | |
