| SantaBanta Universal Humour for August 4, 2014 Posted: 03 Aug 2014 11:30 AM PDT When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you are out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked. | | | |  | | | | 1. Agar aap Black Goggles, pistol aur fuddu se Coat mein apna DP set karte hai to aap cool nahi @aapchutiyehain.
2. Mall ke andar shades pehen kar ghoomne wale, jo apne aap aapko dude samajhte hain krupa dhyan de Aap dude nahi @AapChutiyeHain.
3. Daru pi ke har jagah ulti karne wale "experienced" drinker, everybody at the party knows ki @AapChutiyeHain.
4. Agar aap apni crush se uske paanch baar please bolne pe rakhi bandhwane ko tayyar ho jaate hain, toh kasam Rakhi Sawant ki, @AapChutiyeHain.
5. Apne birthdayy pe party nahi dene wale dost, agar aaj mere birthday pe party maangte ho to, aapke birthday cake pe bhi yahi likha hoga @aapchutiyehain.
6. Agar apko lagta hai ki Office Mail mein 'As soon as possible' likhne se kaam jaldi ho jaayega, toh MS Outlook ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain.
7. Agar aap GYM ke liye 40k 'upfront' dete hain or 1st floor ke liye bhi lift ka upyog kartey hain toh Adnaan Saami bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain.
8. Agar aap bhari hui Mumbai local mein ipad nikaal ke temple run khelne khade ho jaate hein toh Steve jobs bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain.
9. Agar aap apni splendour ka silencer nikalwa ke sochte hai ab wo sports bike type lagegi toh mechanic bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain. | | एक दिन बंता जब संता से मिलने गया तो उसने देखा कि संता बहुत परेशान है। उसने संता से उसकी परेशानी का कारण पूछा।
बंता: क्या हुआ बड़ा परेशान लग रहा है?
संता: हाँ यार थोड़ी तबियत ख़राब है।
बंता: क्या हो गया? डॉक्टर को दिखाया तुमने?
संता: थोड़ा दिल में दर्द हो रहा है। डॉक्टर मेहता को दिखाने जा रहा हूँ।
बंता: पर वो तो बच्चों के डॉक्टर हैं।
संता: हाँ पर इसका इलाज़ वही कर सकते हैं।
बंता: तू पागल हो गया है क्या? दिल का इलाज़ दिल का डॉक्टर करेगा। बच्चो का डॉक्टर नहीं।
संता: यार तुम नहीं समझेगा डॉक्टर मेहता ही मेरा इलाज़ कर सकेंगे।
बंता: वो कैसे?
संता: तुमने सुना नहीं 'दिल तो बच्चा है जी'। | | | | | | Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom. | | | | | | | Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that, you can make anything happen. | | | | | | | If you wish to know the divine, feel the wind on your face and the warm sun on your hand. | | | | | India Box Office Collections:
Dhoom 3 - 260 Crore
Krrish 3 - 245 Crore
Chennai Express - 208 Crore
Kick - 183 Crore
Suzzane's Kick - 400 Crore | | | | Last Sunday, it was "Friendship Day" and next Sunday, it's "Raksha Bandhan".
Last Sunday, boys were behind girls;
And next Sunday, girls would be behind boys! | | | | Teacher: Draw a diagram of bacteria.
Pappu: Here it is, Sir.
Teacher: Where? You haven't drawn anything.
Pappu: Sir, you won't be able to see bacteria without a microscope! | | | | पिछली बार 'गजनी' देख जिन लोगों ने सर मुंडवाये थे। उनके लिए 'PK' किसी अग्नि परीक्षा से कम नहीं! | | | | ऋतिक रौशन को स्पेन के 'Tomatina Festival' से कुछ टमाटर चुरा लेने चाहिये थे।
आज वही टमाटर बेच कर 400 करोड़ का जुगाड़ किया जा सकता था। | | | | लोग कहते हैं कि खुदा ने तुमको फुर्सत में बनाया है।
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फालतू के काम फुर्सत में ही किये जाते हैं। | | | | Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom. | | | | Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that, you can make anything happen. | | | | If you wish to know the divine, feel the wind on your face and the warm sun on your hand. | | | |
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